Anger, we can work with

I talk about anger with my clients at work almost daily — trying to find ways to help them cope with this destructive emotion. We talk about avoiding things that trigger anger, and finding healthy ways to relieve anger before it eeks out in forms that don’t serve a person well. We sort through the emotions that cause anger, because we know that anger is a secondary emotion.

You’re feeling rejected so you get angry.

You feel inadequate so you get angry.

You feel taken advantage of so you get angry.

You feel jealous so you get angry.

You feel disappointed so you get angry.

And then this week, our country elected a president who speaks anger as if it’s his first language. Because this anger resonated with people. People who feel those primary emotions that fuel anger. That loneliness, frustration, fear, disgust, irritation, rejection. I hear you.

So now we react. We’re all angry. We’re angry that this is reality. We’re angry that people aren’t accepting this reality. We’re angry that hatred is starting to be a norm. We’re angry at people for being angry. We’re angry at people for posting the wrong sort of anger on the internet, or too much anger, or pride that sounds like anger. Anger at its best is righteous — it calls out injustice and asks us to right wrongs. Anger at its worst tears and rips and destroys.

My heart is tired. I feel afraid so I feel angry too. Today I can’t bear the thought of one more Facebook post that tells the world to stop feeling this way or stop feeling that way. I don’t know what to make of this yet, but I do know that I want to be free to have feelings about my future and my world. I want that freedom for you too. So feel away — and treat others well as they feel too. 

Love love love, 



4 thoughts on “Anger, we can work with

  1. Mallory, I so needed this. Thank you. I’m so proud of you for being able to write about this. I can’t put two words together. Probably because my mind and my heart are all over the place: anger, sadness, fear, denial, a brief flicker of sanity and then right back to the cycle of doom again. I have been yearning for Maya Angelou, but can’t concentrate to read. I’ve been wondering what she would say about all this. Thank you. Thank you for being you, and for having the bravery to speak out and to be your own person in a small town where you are, sadly, in the minority of open-hearted and open-minded people. Much love to you.

  2. I’m so glad this was helpful to you Julie. You have such a big heart for young people and our world. Feeling deeply is painful, but I’m so thankful that you aren’t letting this callous you.

  3. Nine days ago I read this post by Mallory. Logically speaking these words made sense, but logic and calm were far from my inner being. I was worried for our country, our world, and life as we have known it. And yes, angry. Tonight I reread these words and they were able to sink into my heart and mind. Oh yes, still concerned for lots of reasons, but knowing that I will go back to doing what we were designed to do…love. Love all, accept all, and share the light. Love you so much Mallory. Very proud to call you my niece and friend. XO

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